The Bottom of the Bucket

A friend sent me the attached poem he wrote in response to a tragedy. If you need assistance, talk to friend and/or call for help. One of these may help:

• Black Dog Institute – https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/

• LIFELINE. – – 24 hours counselling phone 13 11 14

• MENS LINE AUSTRALIA.. – Call 1300 78 99 78

Grief is what we feel and experience when we suffer a loss.

It can be completely overwhelming and even painful in so many ways, but it can also be delayed, occurring sometime well after the loss.

We commonly of course associate grief with the loss of a loved one which of course can be extraordinarily traumatic however the same or similar symptoms can arise at any traumatic loss or series of losses, and can be compounded by each repeated trauma.

The loss of a partner through death can be compounded by the loss of self-confidence in continuing to manage life alone, the sudden loneliness,  the fear of the future and the realisation of each occurrence itself can be a further trauma.

Upon the death of a patriarch, matriarch or child, there may the trauma of the loss of family unity that was maintained only by the common thread of the parent/parenting.

Other common events that may have similar symptoms of varying degree, are:

• The loss of a partner, children and/or home through divorce or separation,
  • the loss of one’s own confidence after an accident, injury or assault.
  • Loss of a job or career
  • Loss of mobility and/or independence

The trauma of the each and every loss may manifest in both physical and emotional symptoms, including this alphabetical list:

• ANGER:         Anger is one of the stages of grief associated with the denial of the trauma (a self-preservation). The anger may be commonly be directed at:
  • Your lost loved one for leaving you
  • The ambulance or medical staff for not saving your loved one
  • God, for allowing the death to occur
  • Anyone and everyone who fails to listen to you or understand your needs/requirements
  • Yourself, for a variety of reasons some of which may be completely irrational

• CONFUSION:      the shock of the trauma of an event can result in confusion and an inability to properly function. This can be temporary and may improve after the initial shock, but as additional trauma’s arise, each can step of the process can be an additional trauma that reignites the confusion
• DEHYDRATION: drinking plenty of water can help as anxiety can lead to excessive perspiration and this can lead to dehydration that may be compounded by crying. Be aware that the consumption of alcohol can increase dehydration.
• DIGESTIVE UPSET:            nausea, a loss of appetite, indigestion, diarrhea, can all be a part of the bodies reaction to trauma and can also add to the inability to cope. a lack of exercise and an increased consumption can lead to excessive weight gain while a disinterest in eating can result in rapid weight loss.
• DIMINISHED ABILITY:     the range of emotions and shock can result in an inability to concentrate or even to process thought. This can also manifest as forgetfulness, confusion, and an inability to make decisions.
• DRAMATIC MOOD SWINGS:       grief can manifest in sudden and dramatic mood swings that may seem irrational and unexpected e.g. crying because the you spilled your tea on the carpet, suddenly getting very angry with a passer-by because they accidentally bumped into you, getting angry with the Funeral Director or Celebrant because a flower is out of place
• HEAD ACHES:              The stress and anxiety can result in headaches as a result of fatigue, sleep loss, dehydration or another number of a combination of factors.
• FEAR & ANXIETY:             a sense of helplessness and a lack of control of circumstances and surroundings is common and can manifest as anxiety, worry and a fear of the future or even a sense of hopelessness
• INSOMNIA:  sleep is a great healer but disturbed sleep, broken sleep, restlessness, chemical/alcohol induced sleep, and disturbing dreams all add to fatigue and stress and diminish the ability to cope with stress and trauma. Without sufficient sleep we our bodies and well-being, begin to break down.
• LOSS OF ENERGY/ILLNESS:           constant or recurrent fatigue and/or lethargy including physical aches and pains can occur. The effects of an existent illness may be exasperated because of a variety of influences leading to a reduction of immunity.
• NUMBNESS: this commonly occurs in the initial period of ‘shock’, immediately following the discovery of the loss has even occurred.
• SADNESS & MELANCHOLIA :             an overwhelming sadness is common but be aware that the ‘numbness’ and ‘denial’ (temporary lack of acceptance) can manifest as confusion and guilt i.e. why aren’t I crying/why can’t I stop crying; I don’t have enough money to pay for the funeral etc.
• SELF BLAME & GUILT:    You may experience irrational guilt such as “what could I have done/not done to prevent this” , when in fact you may have had no control whatsoever.

  NB. For more information on this subject, go to my webpage and find Grief & Loss

I have always found that each and every person is unique.

Some may look alike, sound alike, or even be from the same gene pool;

But we are fashioned by our experiences; our loves and likes, successes and failures; our dreams and plans; actions and inactions. Every sunrise and sunset is a thing of beauty, just as each and every person shines each and every day.

Believe in yourself. Have confidence in yourself. Take care of self.

No one can achieve what you achieve in the way you achieve.

Lou Szymkow, 2019

www.alifecelebrant.com.au

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There is a common fear of death and death words.

There is a common fear of death and death words.

Any of us who regularly perform funerals or are of a certain age, have been to many funerals and as Celebrants we may consciously or even unconsciously, privately critique the Celebrant & Ceremony; and whatever is perceived, is likely influence our own performance. It is simply a part of personal development and personally I watch videos of all my own Ceremonies and have to admit that I am my own worst critic, always seeking to improve.

The thought in watching a ceremony may be complimentary such as “I liked how that was said/done” and when next writing a Ceremony, you might possibly be influenced in a positive way to ‘tweak’ your ceremony.

It may be derogatory: “That was appalling, I never/will never do that (again) in My Ceremonies”.

Or it may be a simple “oh, that was interesting/boring/uneventful/very routine” etc. and whatever it was, may be quickly forgotten.

There is one part that usually catches my eye and that is how the Ceremony is ended. In a Church service there is always a ‘recessional’ and people know when to leave but in a Civil Service, there is a ‘Committal’ and then……well that varies. I saw one recently where the Celebrant closed the curtains in a crem chapel, said a few words, and then began to pack up. I looked at the gathered and saw they were confused, and some were whispering to others who were shrugging shoulders completely bewildered as to whether the ceremony had concluded or not. Since then, I make certain that I give clear instructions “this concludes this ceremony, please follow the family as they leave the chapel and then….”. It is simple, polite and direct.

The other area of confusion is the fear of words such as coffin and death.

A Coffin is simply a box or chest for burying remains and so is a generic term for any funerary box. A Casket is more or less a four-sided coffin but perhaps because the word ‘coffin is associated only with death; many prefer to use the word ‘Casket’  just to avoid the use of the word ‘coffin’.

The greater avoidance though by many in the emergency services, medical profession, welfare industry and of course the funeral industry, is any finite words such as dead, or died. Few will ever say in a funeral service or eulogy that “Mr Jones died at/by …..”. This may be because there is no point to stating the obvious and referring to the cause, manner or time of death as it may not be purposeful but when there is a need to mention such, few use the direct words and instead resort to euphemisms.

It comes down to confidence. A confident Celebrant will use words with certainty and in so doing will generate confidence in those gathered and in so doing will assist in the grief process.

 I have listed a few euphemisms for death but what others do you use or have heard?:

• I am not certain where to marry and so what are the differences between a Marriage Celebrant, Registry Wedding and getting married in a Church?

There are many differences, and some similarities (as may be required by law) and so I have made a list of around 70 direct comparisons to simplify distinction.

It is a personal decision dependant on what your dream wedding consists of.

Choose a Civil Marriage Celebrant you want a unique personalised Ceremony with guidance through lots of easy choices.

If you are content to stand in a queue for an hour for a 10-minute service using a set script with essentially no choice of location other than a small room, than a Registry ceremony might be acceptable.

If you are devoutly religious, then a religious ceremony might suit you.

Here is my ‘generalised’ ready reckoner listing my interpretation of differences but if you have any questions, disagree with me on any point, or find an error, just let me know and I will explain the basis of my reasoning and/or make any corrections.

The choices from left to right are Celebrant, Registry, Church.

It is a candle that is lit from other candles and so unifying the flame, and in so doing, symbolises the unification of two families, two hearts, and/or two loves or lives i.e. making two into one.

The first candles may be lit by mothers or family members and handed to the couple who bring them together.

Another option is where all guests are also given a candle each, and after the first guest’s candle is lit, the flame is passed along until all are alight, and then the bride and groom together light their unity candle. This is to symbolise that it is the unity of not just family, but of friends who are supporting the couple in their marriage.

Once the Unity Candle is lit, the others may be extinguished because the flame of the Unity Candle is of course, the joining of all others.

The Unity Candle just needs to be prominent and so can be framed in a cage, on a pedestal, be the larger of other candles, or can be the higher, central candle on a candelabra.

If you have a candle from earlier in life such as from your Baptism or Naming Ceremony, you may wish to use that for the occasion or you may wish to have a new ornamental candle personalised with your names and the date, as a keepsake from your wedding.

CHURCH WEDDING: What is the difference between a Church/Religious Wedding Ceremony & Civil Wedding Ceremony?

The main difference is that a Church wedding is a religious service conducted by a member of the Clergy within a state, and at which a marriage takes place, as a Sacrament; while a civil ceremony is conducted by a nationally registered Marriage Celebrant so can take place anywhere in Australia, anytime, anyway, and with almost any content, religious or not, provided there is a compliance with the Marriage Act; and whilst the Minister may ask the couple questions in place of their Vows, in a Civil Ceremony, the couple say their vows to each other.

Church wedding

In a Church wedding, the couple face the altar and clergy member as it is about your  joining in Sacrament and so engage in prayer in a Church community to receive a holy blessing upon your union in the presence of the congregation you are joining as a couple/family and so the ceremony follows church doctrine, often limiting what can be done & said so as not to contradict or impinge upon religious belief or context and of course the congregation should be present in addition to your guests who may not be members of that congregation. If you are devoutly religious, attend a particular church together, want to take part Sacrament, wish to raise your children in that religion/church, want your children to attend the associated religious school and you will regularly attend Church services a family, then maybe consider a church wedding however if you are not intending to attend that church apart from your wedding, you should consider a Civil Ceremony.

Some Clergy will insist that your ceremony can only take place inside their Church building and may require you to attend Marriage Preparation courses.

If you are of different religions, some churches may also require a ‘conversion, i.e.. joining of that faith which may also include religious classes rituals over a period of time.

Civil Ceremony

A Civil Ceremony has almost no restriction.

It is entirely about your marriage and your choices.

A Civil Ceremony can be written especially for you and almost anything goes as long as the Monitum and vows are said and the Marriage celebrant is authorised. As with any marriage ceremony the vows and marriage law cannot be contradicted.

The couple usually by choice, face each other or the guests that they have invited.

You are required to have 2 witness for the signing of your Certificates but can have as many or as few guests as you like. If you want more signed witness a separate non-legal Certificate can be created.

No classes are required of any kind but as with as planned marriage, you will still be given a pamphlet to inform/remind you of what it means to be married.

A Civil Ceremony can have no religious content whatsoever or can include religious context and content. It is entirely your choice.

Here is my ‘generalised’ ready reckoner listing my interpretation of differences but if you have any questions or disagree with me on any point, let me know.

Quite apart from the obvious proclamation of love, that will strengthen your relationship, unlike defacto rights (or possible lack thereof), a marriage offers protections under the law.

Rights for a couple in a couple in a de-facto marriage are not the same as for a legally married couple as a defacto partner may not be recognised as the next-of-kin .

With a marriage, you are immediately the next-of-kin, and so, given protection under the law with regards to property, assets, inheritance, insurances, medical care and so much more.

If for instance there is a medical emergency and you are required to make decisions for your partner but another relative arrives, that relative may be identified as the next of kin instead of you and so is able override your decisions; or if your partner had been married before but not divorced, the ex-partner remains the legal next of kin and so in those same circumstances could be in charge of life & death decisions.

Then of course, what if someone dies? The next of kin has rights in regard to property, assets, inheritance, insurances, that may override that of a partner and a legal battle might result between partner and legal next-of-kin.

There was the horrible incident of a man in Adelaide whose parents did not approve of his relationship and had not spoken to him or his partner for 17 years. The man took seriously ill and the partner of some 18 years, phoned the estranged parents out of respect and concern. The parents soon after arrived at the hospital and as next of kin, enforced their authority, excluding the partner from medical decisions or even visiting the patient and upon the poor man’s subsequent death, also excluded the partner from the funeral and made no mention of the relationship at all in the eulogy. The couple had a home together but no Will and so the next of kin became the beneficiaries of the estate and subsequently attempted to evict the grieving partner from the jointly owned home and/or force a sale of the home even though it remained the grieving partner’s home.

Flowers are a product of nature, and so are subject to variation that might be influenced by seasons, the element when growing and condition after being cut. Many are now grown in greenhouses on the South American continent and have no scent, and are flown overnight to all parts of the world. Your florist will try but cannot guarantee. Discuss it with them or go to the flowers markets in your city.

For more answers, go to : 300 Wedding Questions Answered

Who can donate a body to medical science or research?

Under the Anatomy Act 1977, a person who wishes to donate their body must provide consent for the donation in writing before their death. Alternatively, the senior available next of kin is able to provide consent in writing after death, provided that they are not aware that the person would have objected. The executor of a will cannot give consent unless they are also the senior available next of kin.

If the body is at a hospital or forensic institution, a designated officer at that facility must authorise use of the body for anatomical examination.

The Coroner’s consent is needed where the death has been reported to the Coroner.

It is important that you discuss your wishes regarding body donation with your family.

Ref: https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/humantissue/Pages/anatomy-public.aspx

You will find this and many other detailed questions answer on my web page but be warned that reader discretion is advised so stick to your specific question and only look at more sensitivity subject matters if you are of ready. My Web page link is Funeral Questions

Historically in Australia, where a marriage was between a man and a woman, it was common for the woman to assume the man’s last name upon marriage.

That dates back even further to a time when women were regarded as the ‘property’ of their father and then upon marriage, of their spouse, hence the ‘giving away’ the Bride, by the father and anything they owned became the property of their husband.

Mistress  or Miss Jones marrying Mister or Mr Brown, became the ‘Mistress of Mr Brown’. The title ‘mistress of’. …  was abbreviated to ‘Mrs’ and so upon marriage, she became Mrs Brown.

Though women are no longer ‘property’ the tradition of the Bride taking on the Grooms name remains common.

Jumping to current and more enlightened times, if married in Australia a formal Change of Name is not required if you wish to take your spouse’s name and so Miss Jones and Mr Brown, can be Mrs & Mr Brown or Mrs & Mr Jones, but you will need to update the name change anywhere your original name is registered.

Usually this would include personal documentation, such as your driver’s license and passport, which can be changed to your married surname when you provide a Standard Marriage Certificate (i.e. Registration of Marriage Certificate) to the relevant authority.

for more information and more questions answered go to
200 Wedding Questions Answered

Diamonds are graded by the 4 Cs which are:

1. Carat:    or weight, determines the size of the diamond.
2. Clarity: The fewer flaws, the greater the value. If you cannot see flaws with the naked eye, it’s called an eye-clean diamond.
3. Colour: A clear diamond is the rarest and has the highest grade of D. A yellow diamond will have the lowest grade of Z.
4. Cut:        The cut creates the sparkle and so impacts on the beauty of the diamond.

Another consideration is Shape: Not to be confused with ‘cut’ the shape identifies the overall appearance of the diamond, e.g. round, oval, teardrop etc. Round stones are the most common.

The three major considerations should be:

1. Your partner’s expectations
2. Your Budget or ability to meet those expectations
3. Your partners taste in style and jewellery

The goal is to find a balance between the three.

An interesting side consideration is that statistically, those who pay $thousands or even $millions have shorter marriages, so the higher the ring price, the shorter the marriage whereas marriages where under $5000 was spent on the ring, tend to be long lasting.

According to Credit Donkey, there are 10 steps to buying the perfect engagement ring:

1. Set a Budget
2. Create a Savings Plan
3. Avoid Common Mistakes
4. Select a Diamond
5. Select a Setting
6. Select a Jeweller
7. Research Online
8. Determine the Ring Size
9. Determine the Style
10. Buy the Ring

Stop All The Clocks (cut off the telephone)/Funeral Blues

By Wystan Hugh Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. 

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. 

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good. 

(See it recited beautifully in the scene from  Four Wedding & A Funeral)

Why isn’t my laminated birth certificate accepted as an original ID?

The Guidelines on the Marriage Act 1961 for Marriage Celebrants are very specific that the authorised celebrant must see all the original documents prior to the marriage ceremony.

Many authorities now use imbedded heat sensitive security in documents (e.g. NSW Birth certificates) A laminated copy renders the security in effective and so invalidates the document and there is often now a warning in fine print on the document, to that effect.

A laminated copy therefor may not be accepted as an original and it may be necessary to obtain a new original.

A Love Poem

(Lou Szymkow 14/2/2000)

Though the years have gone by, it must seem but a second
since you had that first kiss and your love began to beckon,
His smile attracted you,
Her beauty inspired you,

Just a glance warmed your heart,
and the mere thought of each other
kept you swooning even when apart,

You still yearn for a sweet caress,
a gentle kiss of finesse
those tender lips to thine,
your souls forever entwined
heart and soul and mind,

and when the world is full of plight
there is still a gentle kiss goodnight,
and all those worries turn to solutions
and you know,
all will be all right.

I am happy to provide a letter for your Immigration Agent or a local or international Department of Immigration after I have received the NOIM and payment.

My immigration letter is on my own letterhead showing that I am an Authorised Marriage Celebrant , includes the following:

the date NOIM lodged,

full names

date and place of planned marriage

confirmation of payment

I do not however issue a letter until payment is made as this offers a small guarantee that the matter is genuine and reassures the departments of same.

A copy of the NOIM is not required for the Australian immigration but if one is issued,, it is stamped as a copy and certain parts may be redacted for privacy and security.

BESPOKE: What does Bespoke mean?

Bespoke is an English word used in the clothing industry when referring to tailored clothing; e.g. a bespoke suit made especially for one person, and is an adjective.

It is a word that was adopted by shoe makers and exclusive furniture manufactures, and more recently has been adopted by Celebrants who are trying to say that tailor Ceremonies to the individual.

BESPOKE: What a bespoke ceremony?

Bespoke is an English word used in the clothing industry when referring to tailoring especially for one person.

So a Bespoke ceremony is one that is tailored or written/designed uniquely for a couple.

BESPOKE CEREMONIES: Do you perform bespoke ceremonies?

All my Ceremonies are unique and tailored to the couple.

There may be some similarities between Ceremonies as legal aspects must be addressed, and there are some things that I do differently to other Celebrants which couples like to include but I meet with you to design your dream Ceremony and to make certain it is one that you will enjoy and want to be a part of (so not boring but definitely fun).

There are lots of Ideas and Suggestions on my webpage but don’t let that limit your imagination. It is your Ceremony, and so let’s design it together.

Handfasting & Tying the Knot? What is it and how is it used in a marriage Ceremony?

Before rings, in many cultures, the hands of the bride and groom were tied together, to celebrate the marriage.The Celtic ritual also involves a blessing of hands and the  binding of the couple with a secure knot, hence the term ‘tying of the knot’.

Similar rituals are also found in other cultures including Chinese (see Red String), American Indian,  and some Islander cultures but significantly in Hinduism where it is part of an ancient prayerful ritual and so  should only be performed by a Prasad, hence for Civil Ceremonies, we follow a form of the Celtic tradition.

The couples’ hands are joined together, usually holding hands so the wrists and pulses are touching, with a ribbon or symbolic material looped over the couples wrists and tied by the celebrant or a friend.

The couple express their love and commitment for one another and like the cord or ribbon, which has two individual ends, they are two individuals, and so they become one by the tying.

A handfasting ritual performed during a wedding ceremony, can take place instead of a ring exchange or following it.

For more information and samples, go to Tie the Knot on my Wedding Ideas & Ceremonies tab.

See also The Red String Of Fate & Red Goblet Ceremony. 

7 Romantic Gay Wedding Venues ideas on a budget.

Have the ever-rising expenses taken a toll on your wedding venue budget? Are you looking for a gay wedding venue that is both romantic and affordable? While there are limited options to choose for your special date, only a few of them are cost-efficient. One has to scout low-budget places and then pick the best as per their individual preference. And there are still high chances of losing out on the experience while saving money. So how do you find a wedding venue that suffices your purpose? Here’s a list of 7 such budget-friendly and romantic venue ideas that can help:

1. Woods:

If there’s any place as intimate and stunning as your gay relationship, it is definitely the woods. The woods call for a somewhat private affair with your closed ones. They are a highly budget-friendly venue because there is nothing much for you to add to the beauty. I’ve attended many such weddings in the woods that only set up chairs for their closed ones. There’s hardly any need for unusual arrangements that go heavy on your budget. The most you can do is sprinkle a few petals to mark the aisle or hang some lights between the trees. And even if you don’t, the privacy that the woods offer is astoundingly beautiful enough.

2. Beach:

Most of the weddings today revolve around the bliss of stunning beaches. People travel across countries to include the rolling waves in their celebration. So if you happen to live near the beach already, consider yourself the luckiest. After all, you do not have to spend hefty amounts to travel to one. At the beach, you can create a stunning wedding by merely arranging a canopy and a few chairs. You can even hold a casual beach wedding like one of my LGBT clients with smaller refreshments. The decor again does not have to be hefty. After all, where else would you find a view as breathtakingly romantic as the sun along the ocean waves? 

3. Backyard:

The more comfortable you are, the more passionate you’ll feel. The reason why the best place to celebrate your partner’s love is out of the comfort of your own home. No venue cost and design restrictions add to the perfect intimate affair on your special date. There are many ways in which you can host a backyard wedding. You can include a small stage, and seating arrangements under a canopy for a standard setting. You can use rainbow lights and greenery to save on the decoration expense. You can also use handmade and recycled items to make the venue more idyllic.

4. Vineyard:

What is better than toasting to your happy married life on your wedding day? Well, doing it at a vineyard! Vineyards make for a beautiful wedding destination for the mystery that they carry. A beautiful sprawling vineyard is, in fact, one of the best summer wedding venues across the globe. While the refreshments are an obvious choice here, the decoration depends on you. Although the charm of the place is always enough to put anyone into a romantic mood, one can always add to it! For a budgeted gay wedding, I advise you to use only flowers, preferably different colors. This will enhance the romantic setting. You can even use a few charming lights if you feel so. Also, if you didn’t know already, booking a vineyard is cheaper and fancier too!

5. Garden:

Maybe whoever designed the garden always have had a wedding running at the back of his/her mind. The reason why everything about it is intrinsically romantic. From the scent of the summer blossoms to the twinkling fireflies, everything about this place is on-point.  The fresh air and the greenery also add to the aesthetic value of this wedding venue option. The expense is too low as there is hardly a lot to spend on. You can either arrange chairs or put up tents for your guests. However, the best decor for a garden is to leave it at its green best and maybe add a few flowers to it.

6. Chapel:

If you’re someone straight out of a Victorian romance novel, chapels are the right venue for your dream wedding. The polished wood surfaces and glass windows of the chapel reflect the sun inside. The natural light reflected adds to the quintessential aura of the warmth. The whole feel is that of a princesses story. There’s not much decoration and liberty due to the venue restriction. Thus, you save a lot of money too. The place in general calls for one of the simplest and elegant ceremonies.

7. Historical locations:

The history of the monuments, museums and art galleries add glamour and romance to a wedding. Not just that, it is one of the unique experiences that you can gift yourself and your guests on your wedding day. The stunning architecture of such places even offers beautiful romantic photographs. These venues also make for a great experience in history and culture too. Choosing a public spot is the cheapest wedding venue investment due to the low-key affair. Not just that, it is also a charming way to celebrate gay romance from a different era.

The choice of your venue will depend on your definition of romance. The money you spend will always be a vital factor too. The reason why it is better to set your priorities straight and function accordingly. So that when you prioritise romance, your wedding will ultimately imbibe that. No matter what venue you choose, it will always be a stepping stone. But only the love you exhibit as an LGBT couple would make a major difference.

Author Bio-

Bronte Price is Australia’s First Certified Gay Celebrant Melbourne and the co-founder of The Equality Network that helps wedding suppliers create a better wedding experience for LGBTI couples. He is also a member of GLOBE (Gay and Lesbian Organization for Business and Enterprise) that empowers the LGBT community. His stand on ‘marriage equality’ and ‘love has no boundaries’ is unparalleled. Apart from that, he enjoys volunteering as a newsreader at Joy 94.9, spends time in his organic backyard vegetable garden and goes on walks with his fiancée Clint and their four-legged fur baby – Bingo.

Bronte Price
Certified Marriage Celebrant
Certified in Same-Sex Wedding
Co-founder of The Equality Network
Newsreader @Joy 94.9
Switchboard Victoria Volunteer
ABIA Finalist 2017

Having a Bestman or even two or more, at your wedding is not compulsory and even a gender is no longer a given, but having made a choice to have a Bestman, here is a process that may assist.

Step 1:    make a list of the duties (including expenses & interactions) to be undertaken

Step 2:    consider character, relationships (with yourself, bride and bridesmaids) and skills, make a list of contenders e.g. best friend, brother/sister, cousin, Dad, son, etc.

Step 3:    cross out anyone who could not reliably perform or undertake those duties but if you cannot narrow the list to less than two, maybe have two or more

Step 4:    talk to the remainder on the list to gauge:

• their agreement to being on the list
• availability to perform the role
• enthusiasm

Step 5:    Review Steps 2 & 3, and by now you should have a choice

You will find this question and many others answered on my webpage:

• 200 Wedding Questions Answered
• Wedding – Marriage Celebrant
• Wedding Ideas & Ceremonies
• Wedding Poems & Readings
• Wedding Songs
• What others say..

#bestman; #ALifeCelebrant; #AustralianCelebrant; #AustralianWedding; #bestceremony; #bestwedding; #officiant; #weddingofficiant; #PenrithCelebrant; #relationship; #rings; #SydneyCelebrant; #TheVow; #TheWeddingExpert; #Wedding; #WeddingCelebrant; #weddingceremony; #WesternSydneyCelebrant; #WesternSydneyWedding

It is nearing Christmas and sadly one of the annual occurrences is the scam phone calls.

I had one of those ATO scam phone calls from 02 6172 0554.

It was a recording claiming my family and I are being prosecuted by the ATO and requiring me to call a number which I didn’t catch.

It is of course a scam and will be reported.

When I websearched the number, I was astounded to find reports that people were still falling for the scam and handing over itunes, google and bunnings cards or similar.

Card sellers are now usually warning anyone who attempts to buy bulk cards and one shop assistant reported just last week that a distressed woman in hospital uniform rushed into the store while speaking on the phone and attempted to purchase over $1000 in Google cards. The shop assistant tried to tell her it was a scam but the woman would not listen as she was too engrossed in her phone conversation. The shop assistant then very responsibly refused to sell to her. The distressed woman, then rushed from the store looking for another outlet.

This is a list of numbers  listed on the net as those allegedly used by scammers:

02 6216 1111
02 6216 1112
02 6216 1113
02 6216 1114
02 6216 1115
02 6216 1116
02 6216 1117
02 6216 1118
02 6216 1119
02 6216 1113
02 6172 1219
02 6064 2061
02 6064 2097
08 9467 4183
03 9015 4046
061 3 5294 0418

You can also any communication that you aren’t sure about by phoning the ATO from 8.00am-6.00pm, Monday to Friday on:

– Individuals                        13 28 61

– Businesses                       13 28 66

– Tax Professionals           13 72 86

• General                            1800 008 540

For examples of the latest scams, tips for staying safe online and a list of current communication activities the ATO are undertaking, you can visit ato.gov.au/onlinesecurity

If you have accidentally submitted personally identifiable information to a scammer then please contact the relevant institution (e.g. your bank) to deal with your personal situation.

Civil Law and Justice Legislation Amendment Act 2018 made a number of minor changes to the Marriage Act 1961. These changes commenced on 26 October 2018.

The changes deal with technical amendments of minor policy significance, and remedied errors and defects in existing legislation, including removing outdated concepts and to ensure consistency with the Family Law Act 1975.

The following changes relate specifically to Commonwealth-registered marriage celebrants. The full Act which contains all of the changes to the Marriage Act is available here.

• Disciplinary measures – Section 39G has been amended so that marriage celebrants must now comply with any disciplinary measures imposed under section 39I of the Marriage Act. The amendment is intended to ensure the Registrar has authority to take additional disciplinary action if a celebrant does not comply with a previously imposed disciplinary measure.
• The register – the Act has been amended to clarify that the register of marriage celebrants is the publicly available list that is published on the department’s website, as opposed to the administrative database used by the department, which includes other personal information about celebrants’ registration.
• Update to contact details – Section 39G has been updated so it is now a requirement for celebrants to advise the Registrar of any changes to the contact details previously provided to the Registrar. Previously, celebrants were only required to update the Registrar when there was a change to their contact details published on the register of marriage celebrants. Section 39G has also been amended so that celebrants can advise the Registrar of changes to their contact details via the self‑service portal. This amendment removes any doubt about how the Registrar can be advised of changes to contact details.

Only people who are legally authorised under the Marriage Act in Australia, may solemnise marriages.

The three categories of ‘authorised celebrant’ under the Marriage Act are:

1. Ministers of religion who are registered by the States and Territories to solemnise marriages for a recognised denomination. These are referred to as ‘category A’ authorised celebrants. This category of authorised celebrants have a registration number beginning with a letter that relates to the state or territory in which they were registered (such as ‘W’, ‘S’, ‘V’, ‘N’)
2. State and Territory Officers—staff of Registries of Births, Deaths and Marriages (BDM) or court officers—who are authorised to solemnise marriages as part of their employment. These are referred to as ‘category B’ authorised celebrants.
3. Marriage celebrants (This is my category) registered by the Commonwealth under the Marriage Celebrants Programme. These are referred to as ‘category C’ authorised celebrants. This includes marriage celebrants who perform religious ceremonies (whether or not they are also designated as ‘religious marriage celebrants’) and marriage celebrants who perform civil marriage ceremonies (whether or not they are designated as ‘religious marriage celebrants’). Marriage celebrants in this category have a registration number beginning with the letter ‘A’.

• Religious marriage celebrants are a subcategory of Commonwealth-registered marriage celebrants under Subdivision D of Division 1 of Part IV of the Marriage Act (category D celebrants). In order to become a religious marriage celebrant, a person must first be a marriage celebrant registered by the Commonwealth.

Chaplains of the Australian Defence Forces (ADF), and ADF marriage officers, who solemnise marriages overseas under Part V of the Marriage Act are also authorised celebrants under the Act.

#ALifeCelebrant; #AustralianCelebrant; #AustralianWedding; #bestceremony; #bestwedding; #officiant; #weddingofficiant; #PenrithCelebrant; #relationship; #rings; #SydneyCelebrant; #TheVow; #TheWeddingExpert; #Wedding; #WeddingCelebrant; #weddingceremony; #WesternSydneyCelebrant; #WesternSydneyWedding

Simply put, a Guide prepared for Celebrants to help them understand the Marriage Act and Regulations.

So the purpose of the guidelines is to assist authorised celebrants understand the requirements for solemnising marriage under the Marriage Act.

The guidelines apply to all authorised celebrants who solemnise marriages in Australia, unless otherwise stated.

Following changes to the Marriage Act in 2017, and the creation of new Regulations in 2018, new Guidelines were issued in  2018.

#solemnisemarriages; #celebrant

People are at times confused by questions on the current Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM) which must be lodged no earlier than 18 months before and no later than 1 month before a Marriage in Australia and so a new NOIM has been proposed.

It is still in the draft stage I have  but I applaud the simplicity of the draft and look forward to its approval. It may however make it difficult for future genealogists to follow a paper trail in family histories as names of parents and children will no longer be required.

You can see it for yourself at this site: https://www.ag.gov.au/Consultations/Documents/marriage-draft-noim.PDF

#simplicityeasesconfusion

My apologies to my followers for not posting recently.

I am about to resume regular posts.

Just had to postpone posts while security was being increased as there have been a influx of illicit sites trying to gain reach through my site.

268 Promoters of Pornography, Minecraft and Gambling sites & associated materials are now automatically blocked.

#websecurity

Which father do you want to list?

If we look at the Guidelines on the Marriage Act, ‘section 4.5.2 Parents’ names’ and at the NOIM, we find that the NOIM requires that the parties to the marriage list their parents but the NOIM does not differentiate between birth and adoptive parents as it simply asks for the father’s name and the mother’s maiden name

In most cases people will list their parents as per their birth certificates or as per adoption papers but not all parents are listed on birth certificates and in your specific example there are two fathers’, being the birth and the adoptive.

The Guidelines tell us that:

“it is up to the parties to list their parents using the names as they know them by”

The Guidelines also tell us that there is no requirement for the Celebrant to sight evidence of the parents’ names irrespective of whether a birth certificate is produced and further, that a statutory declaration is not required for this item.

This indicates that whilst the birth certificate is required as a proof of date & place of birth, it is not required for the purposes of completion of the NOIM, as proof of the identification of parents.

In your circumstances then, the mother is unchanged but in regard to the father, I would contend that there is a choice as to who you would list.

You have two fathers identified:

1. Birth Parent (as a previous parent) and
2. Adoptive Parent (current)

and so I would simply abide by the advice that:

“it is up to the parties to list the parents using the names as they know them by”,

or put simply, list whomever you regard as the parent.

That is most likely to be the adoptive father who is of course the current parent and listed as such on the Birth Certificate.

In regard to the birth father, at the time of your adoption, it must be presumed that the birth father was either not available because of death or had willingly relinquished his role.

Given the complexities of life, you might nonetheless have a strong connection to the birth father and/or his family name.

In either scenario, it would appear that the Guidelines will allow the option of listing the either the current and legal father, or the birth father, whichever is preferred.

A year ago today at Twin Creeks Country Club I had the great privilege of being lead Celebrant at a very exciting, fun-filled and truly beautiful wedding ceremony  for Wendy & Pravin.

Congratulations on your anniversary and may you lives always be filled with the love and pure joy shared on that incredible day.

Firstly, given the circumstances, you may wish to include a memorial ritual or activity, into your Ceremony, to honour the deceased and to recognise the absence of a loved one.

• See  Remembering.  

The answer to the questions though is Yes.

The update to the form is required prior to the Ceremony.

As the NOIM is an approved form and item 11 and 12 on the form must be answered.

These are the questions relating to father and mothers (maiden) name in full and whether or not one or both parents are deceased.

If the status changes to hand prior to the wedding, the Celebrant, is able to add “deceased” next to parent’s name in either section 11 or 12, depending on the parent.

The alteration should be initialed by the party correcting the error and by the celebrant.

The corrected NOIM may then be treated as having been given in its corrected form.

The Code of Practice for Celebrants requires accuracy in the preparation of marriage paperwork and a failure to update the NOIM as appropriate may result in disciplinary action against the Celebrant, and cause delay in the registration of the marriage.

#ALifeCelebrant; #Anniversary; #AustralianCelebrant; #AustralianWedding; #BabiesatWeddings; #beautiful; #bestceremony; #bestwedding; #Birthday; #BlacktownCelebrant; #bride; #BrideandBride; #Burial; #Celebrant; #celebrant; #CelebrantinStMarys; #celebrantlife; #celebrants; #CelebrantStClair; #celebrate; #celebration; #Ceremonies4U; #ceremony; #CivilCelebrant; #Colyton; #ColytonCelebrant; #Commitment; #congrats; #Congratulations; #congratulations; #Cremation; #dating; #ErskineParkCelebrant; #Eulogy; #FamilyCelebrant; #forever; #Funeral; #FuneralCelebrant; #FuneralCelebrant; #FuneralHomes; #FuneralNotices; #GlenmoreParkCelebrant; #Grief; #GroomandGroom; #IDo; #instawed; #instawedding; #KempsCreekWedding; #lifecelebrations; #lifeevents; #Lifeunion; #LiverpoolCelebrant; #Loss; #LouSzymkow; #LouTheCelebrant; #love; #LudwigSzymkow; #LudwigTheCelebrant; #marriage; #marriagecelebrant; #marriagecelebrant; #marriagecelebrants; #marriageceremony; #MarriageEquality; #married; #MinchinburyCelebrant; #MusicforFunerals; #Naming; #NamingCeremony; #Naptuals; #Nepean; #NepeanCelebrant; #NepeanCelebrants; #PenrithCelebrant; #relationship; #rings; #samesexmarriage; #sayingvows; #StClairCelebrant; #StMarys Celebrant; #SydneyCelebrant; #TheVow; #TheWeddingExpert; #Tietheknot; #Venues; #Vow; #Vows; #vows; #wedding; #Wedding; #WeddingCelebrant; #weddingceremony; #WeddingPlanner; #weddingQuestions,; #WeddingSongs; #WesternSydney; #WesternSydneyCelebrant; #WesternSydneyWedding

According to the attached article,  there have been just shy of 2500 same-sex marriages registered in Australia in the six months since marriage equality was legalised. http://junkee.com/marriage-equality-numbers/161455

Generally, Marriage in Australia is recognised by all 113 countries that are signatories to the Apostille Convention but an Apostille Seal from the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade (DFAT), may be required.

The countries (states) are listed here

There may however be a complication in respect to recognition of your Marriages if you are of the same sex as marriage equality is currently (2018) only legal in 26 countries and so you should check with your country of residence as to legal status & recognition.

As of January 2018, the Australian Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade (DFAT) fee for an Apostille and Authentication $81 but for up-to-date information on DFAT fees for an Apostille Seal, see the external link to DFAT: How much does it cost?

For more information, see:

• APOSTILLE SEAL: How much does it cost?. 
• APOSTILLE SEAL: What is an Apostille Seal?. 
• external link on The Hague Convention on Celebration and Recognition of the Validity of Marriages

An Apostille is simply the name for a specialised certificate, issued by the Department of Foreign Affairs that recognizes & authenticates documents such as birth, marriages, marital status, deaths certificates and other documents.

The word Apostille (pronounced “ah-po-steel”) derives from the Latin post illa and then French: a marginal note).

When obtained, the Apostille is attached to your original document to verify it is legitimate and authentic so it will be accepted in one of the other countries who are members of the Hague Apostille Convention.

It is an international certification under the international Apostille Convention, (Apostille) drafted by the Hague Conference on Private International Law. It is comparable to a notarisation or certification under domestic law. If the convention applies between two countries, an apostille is sufficient to certify a document’s validity, and removes the need for double-certification, by the originating country and then by the receiving country.

There are four types of documents mentioned in the convention:

• court documents
• administrative documents (e.g. civil status documents which will include Birth death & Marriage certificates)
• notarial acts
• official certificates which are placed on documents signed by persons in their private capacity, such as official certificates recording the registration of a document or the fact that it was in existence on a certain date and official and notarial authentications of signatures.

For more information, see:

• APOSTILLE SEAL: How much does it cost?. 
• APOSTILLE SEAL: What is an Apostille Seal?. 
• external link on The Hague Convention on Celebration and Recognition of the Validity of Marriages

#ALifeCelebrant; #Anniversary; #AustralianCelebrant; #AustralianWedding; #BabiesatWeddings; #Birthday; #BlacktownCelebrant; #bride; #BrideandBride; #Burial; #Celebrant; #CelebrantinStMarys; #CelebrantStClair; Ceremonies4U; #CivilCelebrant; #Colyton; #ColytonCelebrant; #Commitment; #Congratulations; #Cremation; #dating; #ErskineParkCelebrant; #Eulogy #FamilyCelebrant; #Funeral; #FuneralCelebrant;  #FuneralCelebrant; #FuneralHomes; #FuneralNotices; #GlenmoreParkCelebrant; #Grief; #IDo; #Groomand Groom;#Kemps Creek Wedding; #lifecelebrations; #lifeevents; #Lifeunion; #LiverpoolCelebrant; #Loss; #LouSzymkow; #LouTheCelebrant; #love; #LudwigSzymkow; #LudwigTheCelebrant; #marriagecelebrant; #MarriageEquality; #MinchinburyCelebrant; #MusicforFunerals; #Naming; #NamingCeremony; #Naptuals; #Nepean; #NepeanCelebrant; #NepeanCelebrants; #PenrithCelebrant; #relationship; #rings; #samesexmarriage; #StClairCelebrant; #StMarys Celebrant; #SydneyCelebrant; #TheVow; #TheWeddingExpert; #Tietheknot; #Venues; #Vow; #Vows; #Vows; #wedding; #Wedding; #WeddingCelebrant; #WeddingPlanner; #weddingQuestions, #WeddingSongs; #WesternSydney; #WesternSydneyCelebrant; #WesternSydneyWedding;

You can include very young children in your Ceremony?

There are many ways children can be included in your Ceremony.

You will find this same, or an updated general version, of this information in Wedding Ideas on my web page, or click the link to go directly to the section on Children, but the following is about the very young.

Go to Children, if you are looking for ideas for more so for teenage children.

Read on if you are looking for ideas for including babies.

For your own children who are articulate and over 6 in particular, your including them in the ceremony can remove anxiety about the Ceremony, as they are of course, a very important part of your marriage and of the ‘new’ family it creates, so it is always preferable to include them in some way in the wedding ceremony.

Sp this section is about the very young and of course about the recognition of the partner in marriage as that partner will now also  be a partner in parenting.

Where a child is old enough to recognise his/her own name, inclusion for them  can be as simple as mentioning their names during key parts of the ceremony such as the vows, or including them in a unifying ritual.

The Celebrant can also mention and introduce them early in the Ceremony.

A child of that age will of course require:

• a carer/minder a
• a change of clothes
• nappies
• rest
• food/drink
• reassurance
• a retreat when needed
• lots of practice to provide confidence

The minder is very important as you will be busy with the Ceremony and so it is best you are not distracted.

The minder can have the change of clothes and other needs on hand and can offer reassurance and guidance.

Depending on ages and ability of a the young child, you can assign set tasks and responsibilities such as:

• Bridal escort (with minder)
• Junior Bridesmaid/Groomsman (with minder)
• Page boy (with minder)
• Flower girl/boy (with minder)
• Ring bearer/s (rings can be pinned to baby’s garment)
• Announcer (if of speaking age)
• and lots more….

It is really up to the imagination, but many choose ‘unity’ rituals which create inclusiveness.

With a baby though, it is also about parental inclusion, ie setting the base for family bonding and future parenting

Follow the links to find out more.

• Unity: Breaking Bread Ceremony
• Unity: Candle/s
• Unity – Candle Lighting. 
• Unity: Celtic Oathing Stone
• Unity: Circling
• Unity – Family Medallion ceremony. 
• Unity: Garland Ceremony or Lei Ceremony
• Unity – Hand Tree. 
• Unity – Jigsaw.. 
• Unity: Jumping The Broom
• Unity: Lasso Ceremony
• Unity: Rose Ceremony
• Unity – Rose petals. 
• Unity: Salt Ceremony
• Unity: Sand Ceremony
• Unity – Sand Ritual 
• Unity – Spices. 
• Unity – Stones, flowers & Objects. 
• Unity: Treasure Box, Time Capsule  or Wine Box
• Unity – Tree or garden planting. 
• Unity: Truce Bell
• Unity: Water Ceremony
• Unity: Wine Ceremony

If you are choosing to take on a new name, you may even wish to include a Naming Ceremony for your children (though an official Change of Name, would still have to be lodged with the Registry of Births Deaths and marriages – for more information on changing names, see NAME CHANGE IN NSW: How do I change my name in NSW after marriage?. )

You might enjoy this You Tube video:

#ALifeCelebrant; #Anniversary; #AustralianCelebrant; #AustralianWedding; #BabiesatWeddings; #Birthday; #BlacktownCelebrant; #bride; #BrideandBride; #Burial; #Celebrant; #CelebrantinStMarys; #CelebrantStClair; Ceremonies4U; #CivilCelebrant; #Colyton; #ColytonCelebrant; #Commitment; #Congratulations; #Cremation; #dating; #ErskineParkCelebrant; #Eulogy #FamilyCelebrant; #Funeral; #FuneralCelebrant;  #FuneralCelebrant; #FuneralHomes; #FuneralNotices; #GlenmoreParkCelebrant; #Grief; #IDo; #Groomand Groom;#Kemps Creek Wedding; #lifecelebrations; #lifeevents; #Lifeunion; #LiverpoolCelebrant; #Loss; #LouSzymkow; #LouTheCelebrant; #love; #LudwigSzymkow; #LudwigTheCelebrant; #marriagecelebrant; #MarriageEquality; #MinchinburyCelebrant; #MusicforFunerals; #Naming; #NamingCeremony; #Naptuals; #Nepean; #NepeanCelebrant; #NepeanCelebrants; #PenrithCelebrant; #relationship; #rings; #samesexmarriage; #StClairCelebrant; #StMarys Celebrant; #SydneyCelebrant; #TheVow; #TheWeddingExpert; #Tietheknot; #Venues; #Vow; #Vows; #Vows; #wedding; #Wedding; #WeddingCelebrant; #WeddingPlanner; #weddingQuestions, #WeddingSongs; #WesternSydney; #WesternSydneyCelebrant; #WesternSydneyWedding;

A recently released fact sheet issued by the Attorney General’s department makes life much easier for couples who don’t wish to be restricted by gender.

It is now up to each party to decide which option they want to use to describe themselves.

See: Marriage equality: Questions and answers on sex and gender – May 2018 [PDF 858KB]

#ALifeCelebrant; #Anniversary; #AustralianCelebrant; #AustralianWedding; #Birthday; #BlacktownCelebrant; #bride; #BrideandBride; #Burial; #Celebrant; #CelebrantinStMarys; #CelebrantStClair; Ceremonies4U; #CivilCelebrant; #Colyton; #ColytonCelebrant; #Commitment; #Congratulations; #Cremation; #dating; #ErskineParkCelebrant; #Eulogy #FamilyCelebrant; #Funeral; #FuneralCelebrant;  #FuneralCelebrant; #FuneralHomes; #FuneralNotices; #GlenmoreParkCelebrant; #Grief; #IDo; #Groomand Groom;#Kemps Creek Wedding; #lifecelebrations; #lifeevents; #Lifeunion; #LiverpoolCelebrant; #Loss; #LouSzymkow; #LouTheCelebrant; #love; #LudwigSzymkow; #LudwigTheCelebrant; #marriagecelebrant; #MarriageEquality; #MinchinburyCelebrant; #MusicforFunerals; #Naming; #NamingCeremony; #Naptuals; #Nepean; #NepeanCelebrant; #NepeanCelebrants; #PenrithCelebrant; #relationship; #rings; #samesexmarriage; #StClairCelebrant; #StMarys Celebrant; #SydneyCelebrant; #TheVow; #TheWeddingExpert; #Tietheknot; #Venues; #Vow; #Vows; #Vows; #wedding; #Wedding; #WeddingCelebrant; #WeddingPlanner; #weddingQuestions, #WeddingSongs; #WesternSydney; #WesternSydneyCelebrant; #WesternSydneyWedding;